According to the Manchester Evening News:
"GREATER Manchester has secured a £1m bonus for cutting traffic levels... The ten boroughs have been awarded £978,356 by the government after official figures revealed the amount of people travelling on major roads had actually been going DOWN. The number of people using the roads fell 8.6 per cent in the last quarter of 2008, while journey times were down by 1.6 per cent."
Fantastico! At this rate traffic congestion will soon be a thing of the past. And what Manchester does today, the rest of us will surely do tomorrow. We'll all be traffic free and bonus rich.
All over Britain traffic congestion is being vigorously tackled by the Great Decongester - aka The Slump. But all over Britain, the Commissars are boasting it's a triumph for their far-sighted anti-congestion policies.
In particular, the Department of Transport is spending £60m of OUR MONEY on something called the Urban Congestion Performance Fund, which dishes out bonuses to local councils for hitting Commissariat decongestion targets. And local newspapers throughout the land are now reporting the Good News stories spinning out of it.
So in Manchester, journey times are down 1.6%.
Wow, 1.6%! And HTF do they know anyway?
In Bristol it's 90 seconds.
And all over Britain it's our friggin' money being poured down yet another gurgling drain.
PS Tyler is still on admin leave, but this made him choke on his cornflakes.