Tuesday, August 26, 2008

A Message From The Lizard Man

Last seen in Guildford

You know the lizard man. He's that guy who looks absolutely normal right up to the moment he rips off his face to reveal the giant slavering lizard within.

To be honest, I thought he'd gone to ground. He hadn't been seen round our way since 1994 when one of the junior Tylers managed to photograph him in Guildford High Street. But this morning I'm wondering if he's back among us. In fact, I'm wondering if I am he.

According to Mr Aaronwitz:
"If I was a rank-and-file reactionary Conservative, forced to swallow political failure for more than a decade, and now permitted, lizard-like, to come out of my smelly culvert to claim a place on the sunny rock, I might let the light go to my head too. I might preen my scales and tell tales of the decline - no, the breaking - of Britain under Labour.

It seems impossible to counter the triumphal gloominess of the old Right with anything as feeble, as unconvincing, as facts. The best figures available show crime has gone down, but we know, we know, we know it has gone up! The best figures available suggest improving performance at GCSE and A levels, but we know, we know, we know that this is because of a dilution in standards!"

So just to get this straight, if you think all those performance stats thrown up by the government's tractor production targeting regime are anything other than fact, you're a lizard.

I'd better get out and lie on a sunny rock.

PS We've blogged it before, but it's well worth watching the Pandora's Box TV doc on the failure of Soviet planning. It's full of commissars like Aaronwitz who still believed you could plan and target a better world even after the whole flimsy edifice had crashed in ruins. I especially liked the attempts to plan the deployment of pantyhose by Soviet womanhood. (Unfortunately, the linked YouTube vid has now been taken down, presumably for copyright reasons; you'll have to rent the DVD).

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