Monday, August 11, 2008
I've always said this - the Chinese are a bunch of geniuses.
Whatever. The main point is that they invented paper, printing, gunpowder, set menu C for two persons, loads of brilliant stuff. And now the CGI Olympics.
It turns out most of the Beijing opening ceremony - the one that blew Ken away - was faked. It was no more than a stunning sequence of computer generated imagery.
Fantastic. We can stop the madness of 2012 right now. All we have to do is order the state broadcaster to produce the CGI Olympics.
The BBC has definitely got the kit - just look how the Daleks have moved on from upturned dustbins and sink plungers. And nobody would know - the only people who actually go to the real games are the athletes themselves and freeloaders like Ken.
Look, we take the athletes to a rec somewhere out of the way - Kettering, say. We rig up large TV screens all around and show a video loop of cheering crowds. The athletes are so focused on doing the biz, they have no idea.
True, we do have to put up all those IOC freeloaders in their usual 5 star hotels, so that's an unavoidable expense. But when they step into their limos to go to the games, we take them to the new Arsenal stadium and do the business with the big screens. Let's face it, they'll have drunk so much free Bolley, how are they going to know?
We'll be quids in. Pixar's latest CGI blockbuster Wall-E cost $180m to make: chickenfeed against the £20bn the 2012 Olympics is currently going to cost us.
My friends, salvation has appeared from the East. Let us embrace it.