Friday, April 18, 2008
Major For Labour!
This morning Tyler opened his front door to find the Major thrusting a leaflet forward and asking if his candidate could count on Tyler support in May. "Yes, of course..." Tyler began, but then stopped dead. He'd spotted the Major was wearing a Labour rosette.
The Major rolled his eyes and bared his claret stained teeth. "It's the only way," he snarled, advancing a heavily brogued foot across the threshold. His manner was frankly alarming - like the time he announced he was off to "flush out the pikeys" - and Tyler instinctively backed away.
"Have you read Your Boy's Telegraph article this morning? Have you!? It's the absolute flaming limit!"
Ah, so it was the Old Trouble. "He's not 'my boy', Major. And whatever you or I may feel about Cameron's New Labour policies, there's no denying he's now miles ahead of Gordo. It's worked - the socialists are toast - rejoice at that news."
"Exactly," the Major expostulated spitily. "My point EXACTLY!"
Tyler frowned. "Sorry, Major... so why are you out canvassing for Labour?"
"Well, isn't it obvious? The only way Your Boy will rethink his pathetic spineless socialist toadying is if Labour get back into contention. As thing's stand, he doesn't need to rethink a damned thing. He needs to be taught a lesson!" The Major's face had reddened even further and there was a sizable fleck of spit on his chin. "The man's a bounder - we've got to make him see that the only way of getting support is to deliver real Conservative policies."
"Don't 'But Major' me! What is the one single example of Cameron announcing a proper Tory policy? Eh? Eh? I'll tell you- it was raising the £1m Inheritance Tax allowance last October. And why did he do that? Because he was down and out - staring down the barrel of an electoral shotgun and he needed a real policy pronto. Oh, yes. And what happened? What happened?" He paused to gulp for air. "What happened was that his diving poll rating turned on a sixpence and Gordo flunked the election. And Your Precious Boy hasn't looked backed since. Gah!"
He pushed the leaflet into Tyler's hand. "Vote Red, go Blue! You know it makes sense." And with that he marched off.
We took a look at the Cameron article, which purports to explain how he would "improve Britain". And the funny thing is that he does actually talk about some serious Tory policies, like raising stamp duty thresholds and cutting business taxes. He also talks about wanting a "dynamic supply side revolution". But whereas Brown/Balls said they'd achieve that through their post-neoclassical endogenous growth thing - which was at least market oriented - Cameron reckons he'll do it through "supporting" businesses, which sounds horribly horrrrribbly Heathian.
Yet what really catches the eye about the article is the huge stream of vitriolic comments underneath. They are all from people like the Major - traditional Tory voters who are sickened by the prospect of switching governments only to swap one set of Big Government commissars for another.