They could look like this!
A shock report reveals today that unless we take urgent action Britain is doomed to be eaten by giant bedbugs, each the size of St Paul's Cathedral!
The official study by scientists at the National Institute for Alarmist Reports has confirmed what many have long feared. Thanks to manmade global warming, our selfish use of in-flight aerosol sprays, and our hopeless dependence on transfatty crisps, bedbugs are breeding at an unprecedented rate. The bedbug population has soared way past estimated levels during the Medieval Hot Bed Period, and scientists calculate we may reach The Tipping Point within months.
Beyond The Tipping Point we are MOST ASSUREDLY DOOMED!
The Institute's head, Professor Doris Day, says "These results are highly alarming. If present trends continue, if global temperatures increase by just another 8 degrees, if sea levels rise by a mere 18 feet, and if the common bed bug mutates in the way predicted by the International Panel for Bigger Government's transmogrified dilithium equations, Britain will be eaten by an indestructible swarm of 200 foot high aquatic Cimex lectularius within years. We may not even see the 2012 Olympics!
It is essential that the government takes immediate action, including of course, a big increase in funding for further research."
These days the Doom industry is one of world's top employers. Its massive product portfolio includes global warming, meteor impact, tidal waves, SARS, Bird Flu, and that thing that eats your flesh. Even the Nuclear Winter Division, which struggled a bit post-Cold War, is well on the road to recovery exploiting new opportunities in developing markets.
One of the industry's most exciting new products is the obesity crisis. As we all get fatter and heavier, we may knock the world off its axis, or cause the earth's crust to collapse. Anything could happen. Over the weekend Health Secretary Al Johnson squawked:
"We know we must act. We cannot afford not to act. For the first time we are clear about the magnitude of the problem: we are facing a potential crisis on the scale of climate change and it is in everybody's interest to turn things round."
Unless we do as he says, we're surely doomed.
Johnson was commenting on a report from a government propaganda operation called Foresight, claiming that the "obesity epidemic" will cost Britain £45bn pa by 2050.
As regular BOM readers will know, that's way bigger than previous shock horror cost figures. The last official figure was £7bn pa, given by Fit Minister Caroline Flint just a year ago (see this blog). And in that case, when we took a close look, we concluded it had been plucked out of the air. Just like the (different) figures quoted by Bliar at the same time.
These headline numbers are driven not by serious analysis, but by the desire to shock us. And they will go on increasing until we're impressed and demand our politicos take action. Because that's how the industry funds itself.
Of course, our politicos don't take much persuading. What better justification for Bigger Government than a life threatening crisis?
So what does the obesity industry cost us? Last year, we added up all the various special anti-obesity strategies (school meals, school play, school sports etc), and concluded they'd cost at least £1bn and rising (see this blog).
The results have been one big fat zero. Other that is, than the creation of many new tax-funded jobs and a new super-complex thicket of bureaucracy (see blog).
Of course, the obesity biz has got some way to go to catch up with the global warming industry. As we noted here, that's already worth $4bn pa of taxpayers' cash in the US alone.
PS For a good antidote to St Al's Inconvenient Truth climate change propaganda epic, see this streaming vid of a presentation at the US Heritage Foundation (approx 1hr long- HTP Desperate Housewife).