Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Forced To Shop At Lidl

The People's Pizza
"Just because you live next door to Waitrose, it's totally unfair that you should automatically be allowed to shop there. That is entirely contrary to the basic tenets of Marxist-Leninism. Henceforth your shop will be allocated by council lottery!"

We hail local soviet boss comrade Pat Hawkes! Why should the pampered bourgeois be allowed to gorge themselves on organic zero-sugar meusli and Fairtrade bananas? It is an outrage! They must be made to eat their fair share of mystery meat deep-pan pizza and Bernard Matthews microwave Wedgies.

In Brighton and Hove's new socialist shopping paradise, counter-revolutionary ideologies such as so-called "consumer choice" will be outlawed. The People's Lottery Commissars will issue shopping allocation orders in the interests of all- the Many Not the Few.

Orders must be obeyed without question. Anyone caught shopping illegally will be shot.

PS According to the excellent Brighton Argus, the school choice fiasco in Brighton reflects a long-standing failure of the local authority to provide schools in the areas they are actually needed. Since they closed one of the local secondaries in 2005, all schools have been operating close to capacity, and an increase in intake has precipitated a crisis. The best bet for the good schools is to opt out of LA control via the foundation route, which several are now actively pursuing.

Meanwhile, across the country roughly 200,000 kids will not get into their first choice of secondary this year- ie they will be forced into schools they don't want. That's about one-quarter of the age cohort.

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