Saturday, August 19, 2006

Snakes In The Home Office

And you expect me to care about illegal workers!?!

What's really going on in the hopeless doomed Home Office? Today we blow the lid off the hideous stomach-churning truth. The entire department is infested with giant snakes feasting off its rotting carcase.

Take this week's news that immigration officials have been "turning a blind eye to illegal workers." Employment agencies have been reporting thousands of suspected illegals to the Immigration and Nationalities Directorate, yet absolutely nothing's been done.

So why would that be? John Tincey of the Immigration Service Union reckons "The reason we don't arrest these illegal immigrants is we're told not to by our managers. This has been the situation for a number of years because the priorities set by the Home Office are to arrest failed asylum-seekers, and other offences such as illegal working are very much on the back-burner."

Come off it John. If that's the case, how come IND is just as bad at returning failed asylum seekers? As we learned only yesterday, "hundreds of asylum seekers are escaping deportation because immigration staff lose their passports and travel documents... forcing the cancellation of their flights home at the last minute - even though it has cost £11,000 to round them up and detain them prior to deportation".

You honestly expect us to believe the IND could be that crap? No, the real reason that eyes are blind is because the Immigration and Nationality Directorate is over-run with thousands of spitting cobra. It's the only thing that could explain such truly abysmal performance.

And what about this week's raving plan to solve the shortage of prison places simply by releasing the prisoners? It's impossible not to recognise the hallucinogenic effects of Black Mamba venom.

And the chaotic lack of planning to deal with airport security threats? Australian Death Adder. The total inability of the Home Office to produce proper financial accounts? Listen, would you want to climb down into the dark swampy depths of the accounts department knowing it to be a roiling coiling morass of Green Anaconda?

Believe me my friends, the revolting flesh-crawling facts are only too clear. And if "Doc" Reid really thinks he's going to sort out the Home Office, he's going to need more than a forked stick and a pair of bicycle clips.


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