What the Dickens is going on in our prisons? Just how does a convict get to have his finger bitten off by a horse? Were they both on the same treadmill?
And the prisoner who got £2.8m compensation for a failed suicide attempt...what on earth is all that about? Even if you don't go along with the Major's scheme to leave "happy release" pills beside every bunk, surely our duty of care to convicts goes no further than best endeavours.
Having heard this, I'm in a state of extreme distress. My heart rate has increased dangerously and I'm grinding my teeth so hard I may need dental work.
As soon as the Home Office opens- probably about 10.30- I'm going to demand a compensation form.
PS "You couldn't make it up" stories are now coming out of the Home Office so fast, I can't keep pace. The revelation that five senior officials in the illegal immigration unit were illegal immigrants has done nothing to slow my heart rate. The sooner those bounty hunters get started the better.