Sunday, February 26, 2006

Why Can't Mrs T Be More Like Mrs M?


I keep telling Mrs T she should be more like Mrs Mills. I've lost count of the many opportunities to make ourselves millions we've let slip by, simply because she won't "maintain, where possible, a certain degree of privacy about the transactions".

In my view the little ladies shouldn't be bothering their pretty heads with the mundanities of international finance- particularly when said finance involves the murky exigencies of "tax management", and that tiresome trail of transactions through multiple offshore accounts in Switzerland, the Caribbean and Gibraltar. It's just not their forte.

Take Major Frobisher's excellent scheme for leveraged tax reclaim enhancement contracts, arranged by renowned fiscal advisor Dr Leontief, whom God preserve, of the Netherlands Antilles. We just needed Mrs T to sign the second mortgage deed so we could line up the back-to-back Zloty facility with the First National Bank of East Curacao. All perfectly straightforward, as I assured Mrs T.

But would she do it? I tried. The Major tried. Even the good Doctor tried (obviously he could only try by phone because of that ridiculous misunderstanding with the Inland Revenue). In the end I had to let it pass. Infuriating.

So you can imagine how I envy Mr Mills. When he asked Mrs M to sign up on a new mortgage in the interests of tax efficient hedge fund repatriation, she did it without question. Without question, Mrs T. And when asked if Mrs M had been financially involved, he said “If I say to her that I am borrowing money for the short term, which it was, she trusts me enough to know I am doing what I say I am doing.”

Now that's the way marriage should work. No questions; no "but where's this offshore money actually coming from , and shouldn't you declare it to the tax paople, and what happens if our home gets repossessed?" No, none of that. Just simple trust.

Mrs T, take note.

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