Sunday, January 01, 2006

Political Wish For 2006


Of course Dave, you know we're all David Cameron's Conservatives now: even we diehard David Davis supporters are chuffed to bits over your sensational start. So far, you're doing exactly what you said on the tin- Win With Cameron.

And you've really delivered: transformation in the polls, disarray among Tony "You were the future once" Blair's Labour party, and terminal panic at the top of the LibDems. Thank you, thank you, thank you: after 13 years of misery, it all feels so, sooooooh good.

Of course we can see now we had to "change to win", and that modern party politics is all about capturing that centre ground, and that no party can afford to sound mean and...yes, OK, nasty. The environment is important, and we must never ignore global poverty, and obviously we've got to help our own poor, and Zak and Sir Bob are clearly decent chaps. And Ollie too.

But...but...hmm, I s'pose you can guess what I'm going to say.

My political wish for 2006 is that you give us some indication that you do actually believe in smaller government.

Not a detailed commitment you understand- no, no, I quite see...and yes, respect, your reservations about writing the next manifesto today.

But what about a broad principles speech?

No? OK, some unattributed briefings then. Other than Matthew Parris telling us yet again how he's somehow sure you're a "real Tory".

Not even that, huh?

A dog whistle?

Look, come on, surely you could throw us some small bone of comfort.

A raised eyebrow would be better than nothing.

I mean, we are among your oldest and strongest supporters. You know that. And it will be us crunching up those gravel drives in the rain come next election.

Won't it?

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